Mediocrity Has Its Place

2010-10-26T15:47:00.001-07:00

Sometimes

Sometimes things don’t go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don’t fail.
Sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people sometimes will step back from war;
elect an honest man; decide they care
enough, that they can’t leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow,
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.

I encountered this poem the other night in Good Poems, the book I gave Jon and he promptly gave back to me. The world stopped for a moment. I had to hear it again. And again.
I Googled the author to learn more about her, and found that she has come to hate this poem. She dislikes it so much she has taken it off her website, and asked people who quote it to leave her name out of it. Apparently she thought it was pretty good at some point, because it got published. But I suppose as she grew in her craft, her view turned around, and she rues the day she wrote it.
So, apologetic author of Sometimes, I will comply with your wishes, but remain an admirer of your chaff. Mediocrity not only has its place, it can sometimes be a godsend.

A Closed Door, But an Open Window

2010-08-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven. We love you David. Go in peace, at last.

And with God’s generous blessing, we will do the same.

Holding On and Letting Go

2010-01-03T20:50:00.000-08:00

Thinking about new beginnings always puts me in the mood to clean stuff out, like closets and shelves and the kitchen counter and the stack of stuff by my bed. I made a little progress on that yesterday, making decisions about each item I encountered.

I love beautiful things, and I love useful things. And I REALLY love things that are both functional and lovely to look at. As I sorted, I kept all the things I love, and all the things I need.

The beautiful things I tried to put on the wall or on an open shelf--somewhere where I can see them without even trying. The merely useful items I kept, but I tried to put them away somewhere out of sight, only to be dug out when I really need them. And I did totally let go of quite a few things yesterday which weren't adding anything to my life, things which I neither need nor want any longer.

While I was sorting and tossing and rearranging my things, it made me think about the year just ended, and all the memories I've collected over the last twelve months. It's been a wonderful year in many many ways, filled with blessings and love and fun and joy. Those beautiful memories are worthy of frequent recollection. They merit my attention.

There have been other aspects of this year, however, which have been difficult and sad. Those memories may be useful to recall, but only when needed. While I can't really choose to just purge certain experiences or situations from my memory, I can choose to put them away in a place where I won't need to encounter them often. They won't be my focus. They're kind of like my toilet plunger. It would be unwise to get rid of it, but I don't need to keep it in my front entryway or in the middle of my kitchen table.

My life is defined and literally created by where I choose to focus my attention--I will eventually become what I habitually attend to. Here's to the happiness of 2009. These are a few of the memories I'm deliberately holding on to (in no particular order):

My Little Girl

2009-09-26T10:53:00.001-07:00

This is just one of the many faces of Jennie--"The Platypus", which has made me smile for at least two decades. Jennie may be physically small, but she's HUGE in personality, and spirit, and confidence, and love. She laughs at Erma Bombeck books, cries at U2 concerts, takes spills in stride, and makes the world's best quesadilla. I just got off the phone with her, at the finish line of the half marathon she ran in New Hampshire this morning. In a little over 2 hours. She dreamed up this challenge for herself several months ago. It was a stretch to get ready, what with two little ones, and supporting Dustin in devoting himself to his studies, and the huge amounts of time and love that she gives to her sisters in Relief Society. But she did it. Like she always does. I'm so proud of my beautiful little daughter. I want to be like her when I grow up.

Dreaming Dreams, And Then Some

2009-07-11T07:18:00.001-07:00

Here's the story of Maisie DeVore, whose example of saving for a pool inspires me. Daring to dream a dream is the huge first step. But continuing to work tirelessly toward its fulfillment, in the face of seeming impossibility, is the part that eludes most of us. Many years ago, when he was a little boy, Jake dreamed of playing college basketball, and in a few weeks he'll head off to Virginia to begin doing just that. Maisie dreamed of building a swimming pool for the children in her town. See how she finally made that happen. Both remind me of the truth my mother always taught me: "Can't is a sluggard, too lazy to try."

Happy

2009-07-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy that my very best girlfriend is in town. Jennie and Dustin and the kids are here for a far-too-short visit. I love every minute they are here, whether we're doing the platypus, having a waterfight and then reading books in the "secret place", or going to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple Openhouse.

Last week I went to the temple, and came out with the same message I usually come out with: "Be happy". That's what the Lord has asked us (well actually commanded us) to do. Here is a poem that says the same thing to me. It's from a book of Good Poems, collected by Garrison Keillor, which I gave to Jon to take with him to Alaska. He gave it back to me and told me he probably wouldn't have much reading time, so to just post some of my favorites on my blog. So this one's for you Jonny. It reminds me not to wait until all the sadness is gone to be happy.

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountain and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

It's Official. I'm Old.

2009-06-22T19:00:00.001-07:00

Sniff, sniff........

The Last Dance

2009-05-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

Prom was last night, and Jake went out in style for his last high school dance. Couldn't have had a hotter date than Taylor (his brothers have had a crush on her since she was in 6th grade). And couldn't have had cooler wheels than Coach Shell's Lexus convertible. A good time was had by all.
Thanks Coach!

My other favorite pianist named Jon

2009-04-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

Someone shared this video with me and I loved it, so I wanted to pass it along. This is definitely my kind of music.

Love Story Meets Viva La Vida

That's My Boy

2009-03-07T09:37:00.000-08:00

An era has ended. It has been a long one.....many years of enjoying watching Jake play basketball. I have always enjoyed watching my children play. I remember when they were little, sending them out to the back yard so I could get something done in the house, then I would just stand at the window and watch them play anyway. But basketball has been extra special. Jake has put his heart into it. It's where many of his best character traits show themselves most observably: hard work, tenacity, loyalty, determination, friendship, team work, obedience, leadership. Not to mention talent, intelligence, and an irresistible sense of humor.

I love you Jake and am proud to have been your biggest fan for all these years. Perhaps you'll bless another team at the next level. But whether you do or don't, you've blessed my life more than you'll ever know.

Golden Girls

2009-01-29T23:29:00.000-08:00

Remember this old camp song about friends?

"Make new friends but keep the old,
One is silver and the other is gold."

Here's to some very golden ones. This cute phone photo was sent from San Diego, where my darling friends were celebrating (unfortunately without me) our graceful collective entry into middle age. Okay, we entered that a while ago, but there's absolutely no denying it now. Just as I tried to warn them, this photo confirms that they were unable to have one bit of fun since I wasn't there. :)

Simple Truths

2009-01-25T18:58:00.000-08:00

"The process of living seems to consist in coming to realize truths so ancient and simple that, if stated, they sound like barren platitudes. They cannot sound otherwise to those who have not had the relevant experience....every generation starts from scratch...." C. S. Lewis

Big Snow

2009-01-12T20:46:00.001-08:00

One week ago was the big snow. One of the biggest storms I remember in a long long time. It may not rise to the level of those "Where were you when..." moments for most people, but I'll remember where I was during the storm of January 5, 2009.

I was stranded. A couple of times. And rescued.

My battery died in the grocery store parking lot. After scanning my phone list thinking about who I could call for help on a night when the roads were extremely hazardous and the conditions very harsh, I opted to ask a stranger who happened by to give me a jump. Gratefully, he did. I waited a few minutes, then put my car in gear to back out. It died again. Totally, stone cold dead. Thought I'd have to wait for the man to come back out from grocery shopping to ask him for a repeat. But I was getting very cold, so I asked another guy. This time I sat and idled for some time before attempting to move, and then drove around the parking lot for a while before daring to venture out on the roads, intending to go straight to Walmart for a new battery. Heat was out of the question, even though I was FREEZING. And I only occasionally used the wipers, even though the snow was still falling very heavily. I finally went out on 800 North, revving my engine at every slight pause. About two blocks down the road my visibility was zero because the windshield was all fogged up on the inside and totally covered with snow on the outside. I had no choice. I slowly switched on the defrost, and my car immediately died. I got off the road, but not comfortably. Started calling for tow trucks. Three hour wait times. Freezing. Dark. Worried every time a car(or especially a snow plow) passed. Phone battery almost dead...... Blah blah blah. You get the pathetic picture.

Let's get to the good part.

All of that vulnerability was very memorable, but the part I'll never forget is when Jon pulled up behind me and honked. It was a huge emotional sigh of relief. I got out and walked back to his car, and sat down on a wonderfully warm seat. Thank you Jon. For coming out in the storm to rescue your mama, and for being the kind of young man who would think to turn on the seat warmer before you got there.

For reference, here's a picture of the snow on my deck, several days later. A lot has melted, but you get the basic idea of how much snow fell in a few hours time.

Danny

2009-01-03T21:53:00.000-08:00

I'VE HEARD IT SAID
THAT PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES FOR A REASON
BRINGING SOMETHING WE MUST LEARN
AND WE ARE LED
TO THOSE WHO HELP US MOST TO GROW
IF WE LET THEM
AND WE HELP THEM IN RETURN
WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE
BUT I KNOW I'M WHO I AM TODAY
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

I Rock

2008-12-06T09:30:00.000-08:00

Well at least I did for a moment. I had 3 minutes of semi-fame yesterday playing key board for a faculty rock band called The Power Standards (a term which has been debated endlessly at my school for the past semester).

You'll have to watch closely if you want to see me. The keyboardist who plays a few sections of about 12 notes using only her right hand isn't exactly the focal point of the band. But I'm confident no one had more fun than I did.

I Love Fall

2008-10-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

I especially love fall at the cabin. It's been a while since I've done the hike up to Silver Lake (more like Silver Puddle right now) but I finally got up there last Friday. Even though the leaves were past their prime, the air was cool, the sun was warm, and the mountains were majestic.

One of my favorite things about a fall hike is the carpet of leaves on the trail. To me, there is no more beautiful palate of colors than fallen leaves, in whatever stage of decomposition.

MY Beautiful Baby

2008-09-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

Here he is, on his way to his Senior year Homecoming dance with his friends. I could go on and on about how great Jake is, but surely if you're reading this blog, you already know.

Beautiful Beautiful Bella

2008-09-07T17:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know how this keeps happening. Perhaps it's just the good genetic material at play here. But I have ANOTHER beautiful granddaughter. Isabella Chihiro Wilde (isn't that a beautiful name too?) was born on August 17th. (I will always remember my brother David's birthday from now on, unlike this time since I was a bit distracted. Sorry bro.) Bella is not only beautiful, but has a calm and peaceful temperament. She eats and poops like there's no tomorrow, but crying?-- not so much. I was able to spend 6 days with Jennie and Bella, not to mention enjoying the company of Aurora, Dustin, Kelcy, Ellie, and Ben too. I even got to see my old friend, Brett Weber (say WEBBA), who is like a brother to Ben, and so feels like a son to me. Here are a few pix:...well, a lotta pix:

Now here's the truly mediocre (being generous with myself here) part. I can get pictures in. I can get text in. But I can't seem to get much control over where any of it lands. I could fuss and spend hours, and get really frustrated and decide to chuck the whole thing. Or just say "Oh well, I guess that will have to be good enough." I'm opting for the latter. So enjoy trying to match up the following descriptions with their relevant photos.

We went on a tour of Peacefield, the home of John and Abigail Adams in Quincy. Well at least Ben, Brett, Bella and I went on the tour. Jennie and Kelcy stayed outside and let the toddlers toddle.

It was Rory's birthday on august 31st. She's a terrific two! We had a very fun BBQ (Rory's favorite) with delicious halibut which "Unca Ben" caught in Alaska. Rory got lots of nice gifts, but I believe her favorite was the Shreck 3 movie from her parents, to whom she exclaimed "YOU DA BEST!" Ellie got a little sleepy on the fish and missed out on all the post-dinner activities.

Jennie will probably grow to despise Rory's new doll stroller. No one goes anywhere until that dolly has her "beep bop" securely fastened. But once that is done, Rory is off to the races.

I taught Bella to wave for pictures. I wanted her to break her Aunt Chris's record, who has waved or done the peace sign in every picture she's been in since she was approximately 18 months old.

We all took some relaxing walks, had a great time at the park and the playground, and I treasured every moment I was there. Thanks all of you, for being amazing people, and treating your old ma so kindly. "YOU DA BEST!!!"

Honor and Rest

2008-07-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

Today at church Jake gave a talk on gratitude. He did a very nice job. Right after the meeting, he left to go attend Jeff Mella's farewell (going to Calgary). For the next two hours I had many many people talk to me about how they appreciated and enjoyed and benefited from Jake's talk. I had absolutely nothing to do with it, but here all these people were expressing their praises to me. I thought of the Lord's commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother". Obedience is how children do that when they're young, but as they grow older they bring honor to their parents by being good and decent people and doing things which are praiseworthy. I am grateful to Jake today for honoring me.

One of the other speakers today shared this scripture in the context of a story about the night she heard that her parents were divorcing. Tears streamed down my face as I listened to her, knowing that my children have experienced the same pain. Here is a verse that brought her peace. Like her, I know that peace can be found through the Savior.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." Matt 11:28-29

Someday It Will Be My Turn

2008-06-28T00:10:00.000-07:00

On Thursday evening I attended a memorial service for my Aunt Dale, my mom's oldest sister. It was a lovely service, full of beautiful music and shared memories. My mom and her sisters (and brothers) have loved each other throughout their entire lifetimes, from childhood to old age--quite an accomplishment, I think. My dad and his sister Irene are the same--still the best of friends and watching out for each other in their eighties. I hope the same will be true for me and my sister and brothers, and especially for my children. Nothing brings a smile to my heart more than when I see my kids love each other, which they definitely do.

Am I weird (yes), or does attending funerals make everyone think of their own inevitable death? I know it will be my turn someday, to take my last breath and say my goodbyes. I hope that day won't arrive for quite a few decades yet, but that memorial service got me thinking about the music I would want to be played at a service to honor my life. I asked Jon several years ago to promise me that he would play the piano at my funeral. (I don't remember if he promised, but I believe he will do that for me.) There is no music on earth that has ever pleased me more than listening to Jon play.

Maybe you can play more than one piece Jon. In fact, maybe you can be the entire program. But here's a piece to give serious consideration. (It was written for strings, but with or without them, I would love it.) Ashokan Farewell is one of the most beautiful melodies I have ever heard, and the words really touch something in my heart. You all know I am very bad at goodbyes, especially ones when it is uncertain when we will meet again. The words to Ashokan Farewell express my constant hope that we will remember our love, and keep it alive, until we reunite. However, and wherever, and whenever that may be.

Ashokan Farewell

Music by Jay Ungar

Words by Grian MacGregor

The sun is sinking low in the sky above Ashokan.
The pines and the willows know soon we will part.
There's a whisper in the wind of promises unspoken,
And a love that will always remain in my heart.

My thoughts will return to the sound of your laughter,
The magic of moving as one,
And a time we'll remember long ever after
The moonlight and music and dancing are done.

Will we climb the hills once more?
Will we walk the woods together?
Will I feel you holding me close once again?
Will every song we've sung stay with us forever?
Will you dance in my dreams or my arms until then?

Under the moon the mountains lie sleeping
Over the lake the stars shine.
They wonder if you and I will be keeping
The magic and music, or leave them behind.

Heavenly Days Part II

2008-06-24T21:53:00.001-07:00

"Heavenly Day"

Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away
Got no trouble today with anyone
The smile on your face I live only to see
It's enough for me, baby, it's enough for me
Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

Tomorrow may rain with sorrow
Here's a little time we can borrow
Forget all our troubles in these moments so few
All we've got right now, the only thing that
All we really have to do
Is have ourselves a heavenly day
Lay here and watch the trees sway
Oh, can't see no other way, no way, no way
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

No one at my shoulder bringing me fears
Got no clouds up above me bringing me tears
Got nothing to tell you, I've got nothing much to say
Only I'm glad to be here with you
On this heavenly, heavenly, heavenly, heavenly
Heavenly day, all the trouble's gone away
Oh, for a while anyway, for a while anyway
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

Patty Griffin

We missed you every moment Jon.

Heavenly Days

2008-06-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

In April I spent Spring Break in Boston with Jennie, Dustin, Aurora, Ben, Kelcy, Ellie, and Jake. The only thing that could have made those days sweeter would have been for Jon to have been there too. Although you always have to eventually come back to real life, the stress of the previous months just seemed to evaporate for ten heavenly days. These were some of the most care free moments I've spent in a very long time. Thanks kids, for a taste of simple joy.

Mediocre (poor actually) as I am at this process, I can't seem to insert all the pictures I want to be included (not to mention formatting!), so I'll have to have a part two to this post. So stay tuned. :)

Getting Started is the Hardest Part

2008-04-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

Blogging is the new journaling. But rather than carefully hiding it under the mattress with a tiny luggage-keyed strap guarding against intrusion, we post it on the world wide web for the entire planet to peruse. My, how times have changed.

I have so enjoyed the blogs of family and friends that I thought I should join the party. I have actually thought that for quite some time, but have been waiting until I had time to learn and could really do it "right". Well, I have decided that this is one of those things that is worth doing, even if it's not going to be done very well. Welcome to my world.